Girls Are So Stupid

The latest and greatest from my favorite website, “The Frisky” is of course smeared all over a so called “news organization’s” website disguising itself as news when in actuality it is a cluster fuck of nonsensical advice for girls looking for dating advice on cnn.com

One to Three Dates: “Think of yourself as a director for the first few dates and cast him in the role of aspiring ingénue. He needs to impress you. Ask questions. Listen to his answers. The added bonus? The less you talk about yourself and the more questions you ask about them, the more intelligent men will think you are. Which is ridiculous. And hilarious. Also? True.”

Judy, are you drunk? Director? Casting? The more questions you ask, the more intelligent we think you are? Have you ever been on a date? If a guy is not at least getting a BJ and sticking his finger up your butt by the third date, he’s out. I don’t care if you are giving him the role of Frodo in Lord of the Rings! Women can’t go three seconds, let alone three dates without talking about themselves. I thought you women wanted “good listeners”. Now you want dudes bragging about themselves and not giving a shit about you? Ok, fine by me!

Two to Three Weeks: “Unless you two are keeping things very casual, if he’s been around for a few weeks, you’re probably thinking that he has keeper potential…If a guy is going to freak out because your Uncle Marco is serving a life sentence, now’s the time to find out. Before you get too attached.”

Keeper potential? Two weeks? REEEEEEEEEEEEELAX! And don’t tell me about your fucking Uncle Marco serving a life sentence either, maybe ever! I just fucking met you two weeks ago! Let me find that out one Thanksgiving together at your parent’s house…five years into our relationship. Too attached? Jesus Christ, you psycho! Go home!

Three-to-six months: “This would be the time when you figure out whether or not he’s h-h-h-husband material. Meaning, he doesn’t bug the crap out of you.”

Are you f-f-f-fucking serious? Yeah, 3 months seems about a reasonable amount of time to decide if you want to spend the next 70 years together. I mean, you did hear me fart, so we should be able to tackle anything together!

Three years, not months…then I’ll see if YOU still bug the crap out of ME. Then I’ll continue trying to avoid the marraige thing…still thinking we should “wait a while”.