Dude, Just Try Your Right Hand

This poor guy must have had his hands cut off at a young age. I’m convinced. Otherwise, how do you explain this? This is like how hyenas attack! Steal the goodies and then quickly consume whatever it is they have stolen in a hidden locale. He must have been as possessed as the demons in I Am Legend.

No shit he left DNA evidence!!! There is probably cum everywhere! The man broke into a store, climbed down a 50 foot wall and smashed through walls to fuck a plastic hole that he had to inflate first!! I’m guessing he didn’t shoot any blanks. His load must have been like the guy from Scary Movie when he blows the girl to the ceiling.

I love how the owner of the sex shop is named “Vogue” to hide his name and yet there is a photo of him right on the site. “Oh hey look! There’s creepy Mike!”

Did the world REALLY need to know that the doll he stole was called “Jungle Jane”? I mean really??? It’s not as if it’s a missing person. It’s like letting the world know that I call my right hand, “Old Faithful”. They just don’t need to know that.