Warner Beats Falcons, Sleeps with Jimmy Clausen

Kurt Warner throws touchdown passes. Sometimes he throws interceptions. He prays a lot and I believe his wife has a pecker. But what really makes her awesome is the striking resemblence to Jimminy Clausen, the awful Quarterback at Notre Dame.

Sure sure sure, the Cardinals are advancing towards a Superbowl they’ll never win. Who fucking cares really. What’s more important is figuring out which one of these brillo pads is sexier.

I think it goes without saying that I’m way more attracted to Sir Clausen. I mean look at the guy! The way he rubs vaseline through his blond locks, the smirk of a “one time high school superstar who’s now totally washed up.” What’s not to like?

Next time, well actually right now, I’m going to see which image brings me to orgasm fastest as I punch one out.