And I Thought I Knew Vaginas!

I love beef curtains

It’s a great moment in life when you learn something new. For instance, although I would consider myself a preeminent vagina “guru”, I would have never been able to give you 40 synonyms for it! I guess when you’re neck deep in it, you don’t have time to think up other names for it, ya know what I’m sayin fellas?!?! Aw yeah!! (High five. High five.)

Well thank God those classy broads over at “The Frisky” sat around and helped us out. I’m sure they had the time to do this because they are clearly not getting any ass. Let’s take a look at a few:

Junk – Really? You call your pussy, “your junk”? You can’t use this name unless you have one STD.

Yoni – Is it “Yanni” or is it “Yo-nee”? Has a girl ever used this? If a girl told me to “put it in her Yoni”, I would be looking for a CD player.

Britney – I don’t get it.

Coozie – I’m ashamed that I haven’t thought of this one yet. Brilliant.

Dew-flaps – Christ! That is not hot in any way. I am picturing soggy elephant ears.

Sugar Basin – Mmm, I do have a sweet tooth.

Bower of Bliss – Why yes, yes it is a shelter of complete happiness.

Nonny-no – Ok, this is waaaay too close to “mommy no!” Ladies, the words “mommy” or “no” are not things I ever want to hear during sex, even if I were to put it in your butt.

Jam Cookie – Yeah! Now we’re talking! I love cookies! I want to jam that cookie!

Attic – Awful. Unless you’re vagina is in the same state as Queen Elizabeth II’s is right now.

Penis Garage – If I heard a woman refer to her vagina as a “penis garage”, I would bet that she wasn’t a virgin. I would also tip her well.

Mossy Cottage – Disgusting. Reminds me of moldy cottage cheese. Ew.

Jack Nastyface – WTF? That’s terrifying.

I have my own vagina slang term to add to this list and it’s: “Man’s Reason For Being”. Pussy is the reason we get a job, commute, shave, work out, brush our teeth, buy foreign model sports cars that we can’t afford, read GQ, buy shit GQ tells us to buy, trim our balls, put on deodorant, use utensils when we eat, drink water, and treat women with a decent amount of respect.

Well that is…until we get that pussaaaaaay!!!!!” Ohhh! (Chest bump to the fellas.)