Surprise: You Still Have To Walk

Why walk? Just sit

Shake Weight, electric abdominal stimulation and now Toning Shoes. I am afraid that the floating fat-person spaceship in Wall-E is the most accurate portrayal of the future any movie has thought up.

Shoe companies say that toning shoes can sculpt your legs and reduce the girth of your backside while you walk, as in a Skechers ad: “Get in shape without setting foot in a gym.” But at least two new studies suggest such claims are untrue.

Gasp! Don’t tell me that I still have to go for a walk/jog!

The latest two studies come from the American Council on Exercise. ”Both studies found that there was no significant difference between any of the toning shoes and the standard running shoe,” says ACE’s Todd Galati. “These shoes are not a magic pill. It is the walking that will make a difference in your life. Not the shoe,” he says.

Next thing they’re gonna tell me is that I don’t burn as much calories jerking off as I would had I actually had sex with women! Haha. I mean, it’s clearly all about the ejaculating, right?! …Right?…