Enough With the All-You-Can Eat TV Shows

Stop it.

Dear World,

Have you tried to process the show Man vs. Food yet? I mean, have you put down your half-pound bacon cheeseburger and thought about it? There is this guy who goes around trying to eat as much as he can without having his lower intestine explode. Here I am trying to eat a spare tire filled with bean curd, Worcester sauce and legs of lamb! Roooooar!”

Having just come back from South East Asia and noticing the infiltration of Western TV, even in Borneo, I can’t help but think about the day that that show makes it to the TV screens of Third World countries. I can see it now. A group of emaciated locals shoveling whatever white rice they can find into their mouths, while this jackass is on screen glorifying the idea of eating more food than a male lion eats on a particularly hungry day. I want National Geographic to be there to document what the physical personification of “Bro, wtf?!” looks like.

Enough with the shows that diefy over-eating. While most of the world plays a very different tug-of-war game, a very competetive game of Man vs. Food, one where even the smallest amount of food is a worthy adversary to man’s search for it, America plays the role of Magnus ver Magnussen to food’s Vern Troyer. We only throw the word “versus” in there because Vern gets to bring all his friends until the tug is somewhat even, and most importantly, entertaining.

God help us.