Calling William Wallace

Psst. William..I know who killed your wife

There is a time and a place for vigilante justice. The time is now, the place is wherever the hell Graydon Smith is right now.

A violent boyfriend forced his pregnant girlfriend to sign an ‘abuse contract’ allowing him to beat her whenever he wanted. Under the terms of the contract Graydon Smith,31, was allowed to punch, kick and throttle his 19 year old girlfriend. His only restriction was that he wasn’t allowed to punch her stomach.

Oh, not in the stomach? What a Renaissance man! Yes, we here at Browtf may make jokes about idiots, fat people and of course the state that houses all of them, Texas, but we try to back everything we say with at least a sprinkle of logic. And today, that logic says that some should reassemble William Wallace, animate him back to life and then convince him that Graydon Smith killed his (William’s) wife.

Unlike Graden’s “no stomach” rules for his girlfriend, William Wallace will be allowed to disembowel him. Someone put in a call to some archeologists, cryogenics specialists, and Aubrey de Gray so we can get started. We can do this!