Sasquatch Watch

Everyone has seen him

Never get in the way of a dedicated someone. Genius takes forms in many different ways. I mean for God’s sake there is www.poopbags.com. Everyone should be able to flourish in whatever way they see fit. Everyone but this guy, of course.

Billy Willard says he’s on the verge of a major discovery that could change the way humans think about the natural world, not to mention their need for a creature-proof home security system.

Why don’t you pump your brakes, Billy. No one is going to get a creature-proof home security system because you think there is a Sasquatch running around. We’d sooner need a creature-proof home security system because of that thing that Adrien Brody and that other girl create in the new movie, Splice, than we would for Bigfoot.

Go ahead, call him a loon, a flake, a huckster. He’s heard it all. But Willard knows what he knows, which is that three people from this area — a woman, her husband and their granddaughter — told him they saw a shaggy, super-size figure on two legs gallivanting across their wooded property.

Ok, so a loon-proof defense is when a West Virginian woman, her husband and grandaughter can’t tell the difference between a lost Turkish man and a mythological beast? If reality was an exact interpretation of what people said they “saw”, then we’d be living in fucking Oz.