The Continuing Pussification Of Man (Part 7)

This has to stop.

Modern man has been growing a vagina ever since the first dude yelled, “Why me?” That’s when the ‘Y’ chromosome started growing an extra “leg” (Think about it). I have taken it upon myself to call out these moments in the hopes that someone will slap someone else in the face and get us out of this spell. Because if it’s not a slap, ‘is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?’

In yet another nod to the protection of fledgling self-esteem, an Ottawa children’s soccer league has introduced a rule that says any team that wins a game by more than five points will lose by default.

What? That’s the most pansy-ass thing I’ve ever heard. It’s stupid rules and mentalities like this that make people, who (comparative to the rest of humanity) have everything in the world, complain about how hard their lives are, the “struggles” they go through, the personal mountains they climbed, and blah blah blah. Get your ass beat at sports every once and a while. It’s good for you! It teaches you that you aren’t the big swinging dick that you thought you were. The longer you let a kid think that everything is always fine and that losing doesn’t matter, the longer he is going to be a pansy-ass, believing in things like an eternal afterlife with all his friends and family on some clouds in the sky, because that idea sounds “nice”.

Hey kids in Ottawa, life is hard, but not for any of you. Parents of these kids, let your kids get trounced once and a while and then tell them, “Hey, although you might not be the best soccer player in the world, you have a family that still loves you, food on the table, a roof over your head and enough video games to make you go blind.”

I want to move to Ottawa, get my PhD in evolutionary biology with a focus in articifical life. I want to then field a team of human-looking cyborg soccer phenoms, run the score up to 15 – 0 and then spend the last 10 minutes of the game scoring 10 goals in our own net.