We Have! Cheeseburger

Someone's excited

This sign sits outside the deli across from the bar, 200 5th in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I feel bad for the guy that made this sign. I feel like he was rushed, like Jack Bauer had a gun to his head screaming, “What sandwiches do you have? WHAT SANDWICHES DO YOU HAVE?!”

His first words were written like he would have said them with the barrel of a gun resting on his face, “We have!” We have, godmanit, we have…Just don’t fucking kill me. Let’s imagine where that conversation would have gone from there:

Jack: You. Have. What?!
Scribe: Cheeseburger.
Jack: Go on.
Scribe: Chickenbreast Burger.
Jack: Of course it’s the breast! You can’t make a chicken sandwich out of anything but the breast. No don’t erase it, just leave it! What else?!
Scribe: Um, oh oh oh…a Steak Sandwich.
Jack: Is it good?
Scribe: It’s delicious.
Jack: WELL WRITE IT DOWN THEN!
Scribe: Ok, ok, here.
Jack: Why did you write “Delicious” smaller than “Steak Sandwich“? And how do I know that the Chickenbreast Sandwich isn’t delicious. Fix it! DO IT NOW!
Scribe: Ok, there it’s done. Relax.
Jack: What else you got up in here? Anything to drink? TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY CAN DRINK!
Scribe: Fine, fine. Here.
Jack: Coffee, Tea, and Hot Chocolate? It’s fucking 90 degrees outside. Who wants to dri- …Is that bacon I smell?
Scribe: …Yes.
Jack: Does that go to say that I can put bacon on that cheeseburger if I wanted to?
Scribe: Fuck…yes.
Jack: WRITE IT DOWN! DO IT!