Vodka Into Your Eyeballs

Hold still, damnit!

Remember all the stuff you got away with as a teenager? You were pretty slick and dead sure your parents didn’t know any of it? And then as you got a little older you were convinced that when you have kids, there isn’t going to be anything that they could do that you hadn’t done? Well, there is now.

A new trend is raising some eyebrows, or more like, hurting some eyeballs! Doctors say some youngsters are trying out a new drinking game, where they pour vodka right into someone’s eyes. It’s called eyeballing.

Just last night I was talking about an epic game of Flip Cup I played in college, followed by describing this amazing dice game which got you drunk really quickly. At the time, I thought these games were cutting edge and that my seemingly “uninformed” parents couldn’t even have dreamt up these games. Yes, their generation got someone on the moon but galactically, this was bigger.

If I was a parent right now, I would be resting on my laurels, confident of the fact that there couldn’t be anything that my kids could do that would surprise me. However, if I walked in on a group of these idiots pouring vodka into each other’s eyeballs, I would cry, pour myself a cup of tea and go for a long and quiet walk and reminisce about a much simpler time, when unhealthy amounts of alcohol was merely swallowed and your liver was the only body part in harm’s way.

“Vodka is about 40 to 50 per cent pure alcohol, which can take off the top layer of the cornea. It can cause scarring,” said Stutman. “Can it make you go blind? I suppose it probably could, if it causes severe enough scarring of the cornea.

Kids. Bored out of their fucking minds. What’s going to happen in 20 something-years when my imaginary kids are 18? Are they going to be smashing their own skulls open and pouring liters of vodka on each others’ exposed brains? WTF.