Man Marries Dying Cat

I thought it pertinent to mimic the title of the news article so you can see that I have nothing up my sleeves. There’s no play on words. No double entendres. No tomfoolery. Man marries dying cat. WTF.

A German man has unofficially married his cat after the animal fell ill and vets told him it might not live much longer, Bild newspaper reports.

Oh, when you put it THAT way, it doesn’t sound so crazy anymore. It just sounds like a guy who wanted to marry his dying cat. No big deal.

“Cecilia is such a trusting creature. We cuddle all the time and she has always slept in my bed,” Uwe Mitzscherlich, a postman from the eastern town of Possendorf, told Bild. Actress Christin-Maria Lohri, who officiated the ceremony, was quoted as saying: “At first I thought it was a joke. But for Mr Mitzscherlich it’s a dream come true”.

She’s your fucking cat, dude! That’s what cats do, they sleep! Christin-Maria Lohri’s words were so timely and touching though. I’m surprised Mr. Mitzscherlich couldn’t get Nicholas Sparks to do it. He’s into all that forbidden love/love-without-borders business isn’t he? Shit, I bet Nicholas Sparks’ book, “Lying with Feline. I’m not Lying” hits stores tomorrow. He’s like the Tyler Perry of novels.