Land Of The Free

Yup. This could go to court

People in the U.S. know that you can pretty much sue for anything. Pretty much anything has now become, most certainly everything after reading this.

A woman who fell through the window of a Lake View salon when she lost her footing trying to kick her husband is suing the salon, as well as a hospital that treated her — claiming an employee stole her jewelry and Blackberry. Melanie Shaker suffered “severe injuries,” including deep cuts to her upper arm, back and feet, according to the suit. The suit claims the salon’s plate glass window, located on a sidewalk “frequently traveled by intoxicated pedestrians,” is in violation of the City of Chicago’s building code.

That’s right. The woman who was drunk and tried to kick her husband is suing because there happened to be elements in their solid state near her. How dare a store put up a window in front of its merchandise!

Shaker claims the defendants failed to replace the window with safety glass, which would “prevent injuries from those coming into contact with it, including pedestrians, intoxicated pedestrians [or] pedestrians on their way to or from a Cubs game” who may fall inadvertently trip and fall into the window, the suit said.

Man, that sounds airtight! Case closed! I also want to file a suit against you, Melanie. It reads, “Commodore claims that the defendant failed to put a muzzle on her mouth which would have prevented headaches from those coming into contact with her spoken words of idiocy, including humans, intoxicated humans or humans on their way to or from anywhere at all, who may pick up a newspaper and inadvertently read her article.”

Why couldn’t a piece of sharded glass do to her what the glass did to Patrick Swaze’s nemesis in Ghost?