Women Are Liars

Not a penis

I think we all had a good idea about this fact but finally a story that pens the last words of this oft-talked about topic. Sigh.

A man accused of weighing his penis on scales in the fruit and veg section of a Scotmid store walked free from court today after being found not guilty of public indecency.

Like a man would ever do something of the sort! We don’t just go putting our penises in places where there could be unknown germs, just for the fun of it. Geez!

Shop assistant Melanie Guglielmino, 31, told Sheriff Neil Mackinnon that she had been “really shocked” when she came to the fruit and veg section and saw two men standing at the scales. James Jones, she said, told her: “We are just having our privates weighed”. Asked what she actually saw, she replied: “He had something on the scales. I didn’t see it properly. It looked like a penis”.

Oh that’s interesting, ma’am. You say it LOOKED like a penis just because two weird dudes were huddling over a fruit scale saying, “We are just having our privates weighed.” Don’t you think that’s a bit presemptuous? Do you think if they told you that they thought you were beautiful you would just as easy believe that fact! I bet if they told you to jump off a bridge, you’d do it to. Unbelievable.

“He put something back in his trousers and it didn’t look particularly nice”.

Amazing. A man can’t shop for red thumb potatoes and shove them in his pants without being accused of whipping his penis out.

Defence solicitor, Chris Fehilly said: “You didn’t see a penis at any point” and she replied: “There was one, yes”. Later when asked by Fiscal Depute, James O’Reilly, if she could have been mistaken about seeing a penis, she said: “I could have been, although there was something there. It could have been a hand. Maybe it was”.

Maybe it was madam, maybe it was. The End. Ladies, you can stop reading now and go back to your lying ways. You’ve done enough damage.

The store manager Agnes Fagan, 46, said she had been watching CCTV footage following a shoplifting incident when she saw “two men mucking about. It looked like they put their penises on the scales for fruit and veg. They were giggling and laughing”. The men were standing on a foot stool so that their zip areas were level with the scales. Jones said: “I was there. I can remember standing on a stool, but I can’t remember anything else”. He admitted to being drunk.

Drunk and shopping for red thumb potatoes to stick in his pants. Is that a crime?