Hot Nude Yoga

And now look back at the guy behind you...

Yoga.  In and of itself, it’s a more difficult task than one initially assumes.  Once in class, it becomes hard to concentrate on holding poses when incredibly flexible women are bending like a Charleston Chew 2 inches from your face.  Now imagine you’re a guy and substitute those beautiful female figures with men.  Ok, now holding the poses becomes difficult for other reasons.  Dudes smell, they fart, they sometimes are so inflexible that it causes you to laugh outloud.  Ok, now picture that all these men…and you, are naked.  And downward dog everyone!

Inside a heavily curtained fourth-floor dance studio is a male-only class specializing in “Hot Nude Yoga,” a form of sensualized tantric yoga practiced nude.

Sweet.  Where do I sign up?  Where else can I have a less than sufficiently kempt asshole and dangling testicles mere inches from my face?

A few classes are coed, but male-only gatherings tend to be more popular and have become a mini-phenomenon in the gay community, with studios in Boston, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Salt Lake City. A studioless group in Chicago practices in the apartment of a nude yoga enthusiast.

Whoa whoa whoa.  There are Co-ed classes?  No way in hell a woman would ever sign up for a nude yoga class with other dudes’ faces hunched down behind her ass while she’s holding a pose.  No way.  I’m surprised women still wear skirts in public with men around, let alone do butt naked hamstring stretches in a room full of naked men.

Fans say the nudity aids in deepening their yoga practice while building a close — and emphatically nonsexual — community. “A lot of people, especially living in New York, don’t get the opportunity to connect with people in an intimate way,” said Aaron Star, who started the naked yoga movement.

What?  Especially living in New York?  Aaron, have you ever been to New York City?  I’d say that people in solitary confinement don’t get the opportunity to connet with people in an intimate way.  Unless your definition of New York is underneath an overpass in Far Rockaway, I think people have plenty of opportunities to connect in intimate ways here.  I mean, the slogan of the city is “I *heart* NY”.  A big fucking intimate heart smack dab in the middle.

At the small class I attended, an undeniable sexual charge hung in the room, making the exercise at times painfully weird and embarrassing. Many nude yoga classes revolve around partnering positions, a series of postures that put two men within striking distance of the other’s privates.

Ok, WTF is going on here?  Nude yoga classes with partnering positions that put two men within striking distance of the other’s privates?  Are you guys like scientists trying to create the perfect conditions for either a gang bang, mass rape, or a melee to break out?  Because that’s what happens when you put a male sphincter in some guy’s face.

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