Tecate Light with Rat's Head

Excuse me, there is a monkey drinking my water

A friend of mine once found a living globular pink organism in his bottle of Pepsi. Over a two day period, the thing drank about a quarter of the Pepsi and then it exploded. I am making 0% of this up. I begged he and his family to sue Pepsi. “I won’t have to work another day for the rest of my life. I will then have sex with every woman in the world and travel the far corners of the globe to do it,” I pleaded. To which my friend’s father said, “Commodore, go home.” With tears in my eyes, I got on my bike and peddled my 7 year-old ass back home. They never did sue Pepsi, but I hope this guy sues and wins, so my friend and his family will always be reminded of the life they could have given me.

After a hard day’s work on his Crystal Beach home, Everett Johnston just wanted a cold beer. He grabbed a Tecate Light out of his fridge and began to sip. But, Johnston said, something didn’t taste quite right. He said his wife looked in the bottle and noticed a rat’s head floating inside.

Brrrrro. Ok, this was either the world’s smallest rat or Tecate Light was promoting its new cauldron-wide mouth opening. A rat’s head! Yeah that would eff me up a bit. Like me, you are going to sit there for the next 5 minutes and come up with all the ways that just a rat’s head could find its way into a bottle of beer. Fascinating.