Marriages End Relationships

You're not alone.

Is it possible to have a study so dumb and simplistic, that it actually confuses you and makes you spend far too many minutes thinking about the actual people that published their findings? Well, if my crack reporting and delivering hasn’t given you a moment like that over the years, it surely will today.

Marriages last longer than de facto relationships the US Centers for Disease Control reported on Tuesday. About 78 per cent of marriages lasted five years or more, compared with less than 30 per cent of what the CDC called cohabiting unions, or couples living together outside marriage.

This isn’t even the statement that will cause a pile-up on your neuronic superhighway. Although if you spend more than 6 microseconds thinking about it, you realize that, yes, people who get married might be taking their relationship a wee bit more serious than couples who decide to just live together. Afterall, many couples try to live together to see if marriage would even make sense. And that is where this next statement enters the fray.

One reason cohabitations were shorter-lived than marriages is that 51 per cent of couples who lived together made the transition to marriage within three years, CDC said in a statement.

WTF! So you’re counting the relationships that went from living together to getting married as “failing”?! That is a quantum leap in the wrong direction in regards to information reporting. That would be like saying: “In a 7 year period, most 15 year-olds reach the age of 21 faster than 13 year-olds do.”

This study is so dumb, LLoyd Christmas is speechless. Maybe the CDC should stick to diseases instead of reporting on diseases instead of marriage trends. Well, after their upcoming report where they are having 3 year-olds present data on string theory.