Stop The Presses

wee fo rael

I tend to not write about mass media hysteria but from time to time, even I have to chime in on the “story du jour“. (That’s “Talk Soup” in French for those wondering.) It’s amazing when a story has the power to grip a nation and spark everyone to embark on candlelight vigils and the like.

A small storm brewing in Gisborne has been calmed by the Fire Service.

Fucking heroes, I tell you.

They were called to a house, where a curious mastiff pitbull cross puppy had his head caught inside a porcelain teapot.

Wait, what? This was in the “national news” section of the online newspaper? What kind of shit has to NOT happen in order to report this story to the national news? Did New Zealand turn into Easter Island recently? Hey guys look!! A BIRD!!!!!

Firefighters assessed the situation, before carefully breaking the antique to free the distressed pup. They report the dog just has a slight cut on its nose.

Thank God for the Internet so that we as a world can release our collective breaths, rejoice, and get back to feeding our wife and kids. We apologize to all of the airplanes that have to navigate our floating prayer thingies that we launched in hopes of a civil outcome to this horrible crisis.