Essential Knowledge

Somebody arrest this man.

The best stories that the news agencies put out are those that, after hearing them, you realize that your life won’t be the same anymore. Think, December 7, 1941, June 6, 1944, and September 11, 2001. It’s time to add Feb 22, 2010 to that mix.

An 18-year-old Cheektowaga man was arrested on felony criminal mischief charges, after being accused of repeated attempts at ‘break dancing.’

Look around your office, your room or wherever you are reading this. Take note of the weather and what you are wearing. Decades from now, younger generations will ask you where you were on that fateful day.

Ryan Baczkiewicz was arrested as result of approximately $3,000 in damage to the hardwood floors at a home in Elma. The damage was caused when the suspect arrived at a house party held by the owner of the home’s daughters, in an intoxicated condition. He is accused of making repeated attempts at ‘break dancing,’ while wearing a large diamond buckle, causing extensive gouging damage to hardwood floors.

What’s better than a high school house party? 18-year olds doing everything they can to show off and establish “coolness”. Even if that means wearing a diamond buckle and break dancing. You gotta hand it to the kid though. “Accused of making repeated attempts” means that he was not deterred at the onset of initial failure. There was probably a blow job on the line. Shit, if dusting yourself and trying again is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. Me and Aaliyah.

The home owner returned home from vacation to find the damage. Baczkiewicz was charged with criminal mischief in the second degree, a class D felony, and criminal trespass in the second degree, a class A misdemeanor.

What a dick “homeowner”. I didn’t know that showing up to a house party that you were invited to, was trespassing these days. Instead of charging the coolest kid at the party with a crime, why not get your daughters in line for not being able to tell the kid with a diamond buckle to stop boring holes in their kitchen?