Smoking Kills...Everyone

Nice hat James. Now get out of my house

I can’t figure out why people still smoke. I think I would rather eat a uranium omelette than inhale a cigarrette. Smokers have been cast out of buildings and now they stand in the shivering cold sucking in the devil’s breath while everyone looks at them like they did female Nazi sympathizers in Eindhoven, Holland during WWII as they got their hair shaved off in the public square. On top of that, cigarrettes cost half a paycheck. WTF are you people doing? And the cherry on top now is that they kill everyone like nuclear fallout.

A common indoor air chemical reacts with residues of tobacco smoke clinging to clothing, skin and surfaces to form potent carcinogens, researchers at Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory reported in a study published Monday.

Awesome. So not only do smokers ruin my ability from wearing my same “go-to” outfit two nights in a row amongst two separate groups of people because my clothes now smell like an incinerator, smokers are killing me long after they leave a room.

This thirdhand smoke, however, enters the body via a different route, either through skin exposure, dust inhalation and ingestion, and it poses an “unappreciated health risk”.

I don’t think that “unappreciated” is akin to the unappreciation that wives, right hands and burritos get. I don’t think there is anything that could pucker up my butt hole quicker than a doctor telling me that what I was doing had “unappreciated health risks”. I prefer to appreciate my health risks (unprotective sex with Thai hookers, drunk driving, and having a conversation with Sarah Palin).

Man, we drinkers don’t have anything that can compete with the third hand damage that smokers inflict on us. How do we even the playing field? Maybe we get drunk, break into cars, put them in neutral and shove them downhills towards congregations of smokers. This would work best in cities like San Francisco. That way, they feel the random effects of third hand drunkenness.