Useless

Everyone else is doing it

What’s better than a mind boggling story about religion? Well, one that tells us about a completely pointless poll that was taken and then tries to analyze its results using theory, thought, and deduction, of course!

Rather than spending Valentine’s Day with their partner, one-fifth of adults would prefer to be with their pet, although the French still came top for romance, according to a joint global poll by Reuters/Ipsos.

I deduce that those 20% of people are 100% cheating on their mates.

John Wright, senior vice president of Ipsos, said 25 percent of people aged under 35 opted for their pet over their partner compared to 18 percent of those aged 35-54 and 14 percent of people aged 55 plus. Men and women were evenly split over the question. Those choosing pets over people were also more likely to be those who have a lower income (24 percent) compared to those who were middle or higher income earners (20 percent).

That’s because people under 35 are have a better chance and more energy to cheat on their spouses than a 70 year-old does. Also, younger people are full of raging hormones, get in dramatic fights all the time and would more than likely say something like, “I would rather spend the night with Sheeshee than hang out with you, you jerk!”

And once you hit 55+, you kind of feel like you’re stuck with what you’ve got and deciding to not spend time with them on Valentine’s Day is more of a hassle than anything else. In fact, most of the older people are so numb to their relationship that they’re not even sure it’s Valentine’s Day.

On a country-by-country basis, residents of Turkey were the most likely, at 49 percent, to choose their pet over their spouse or partner.

Wait. Ankara isn’t the city of love anymore? When did this happen?