PETA And Punxsutawney Phil Are Equally Asinine

Idiots

I still give myself a partial aneurysm everytime I try and figure out who the hell came up with the whole shadow thing with this fat Groundhog and why. What is all the hoopla is about? Yes, I know I could Wikipedia it, but a good aneurysm every now and then flushes the system out. Since 1889, the son of a bitch has been right 39% of the time! That is worse than flipping a coin. He is more incorrect than the standard variance allows on 50-50 chance happenings. If they just changed the rules, he would be right 61% of the time. This is nonsense. Thank God PETA has a good idea.

PETA thinks it’s time for the nation’s hairiest weatherman to enjoy an early retirement. PETA’s proposal: instead of parading and manhandling the wee groundhog, replace ol’ Phil with a robot.

Or, we could just winter pass at its natural pace and we can all just deal with it. Whaddya say?

Rather than look for its shadow, an iPhil could analyze the latest weather patterns, perhaps even project how global warning might permanently usher in an early Spring.

Can’t we just continue letting meteorologists continue predicting unpredictable things this as they’ve done for umteen years? Do we really need an iPhil to add to the climate change debate? Because this societal basket we’re in is a hand basket, and that fiery pit we’re careening to is in fact, hell.