There Were Teeth In His Wallet

Maybe they were this guy's teeth? (Yes, I get the chills looking at this too.)

Not a tooth. Teeth. 10 of them. In a brand new wallet. How on earth does this happen?! 1 tooth, maybe. But 10 of them? Where does one even GET 10 detached teeth? I’m so intrigued. I know that WalMart sells things that are physically put together in as few steps possible to keep the thing from falling apart in your hands on your way to the checkout counter, but no one should ever find 10 human teeth in anything they buy unless they were buying a human skull.

Police said the man found the teeth Saturday when he unzipped a compartment in the wallet. One tooth had a filling.

Really? Does knowing that one tooth had a filling in it change the shock value of this story, whatsoever? Now if you told me that 6 of the teeth were human molars, 3 of the teeth were from a Gila Monster and one of the teeth was the incisor from a Saber-toothed tiger that actually had a filling, then yes, do give me that information. Otherwise, 10 fucking teeth found in a brand new wallet is enough.

The customer turned the wallet and the teeth over to employees but left the store without giving his name.

Because he just found 10 teeth in the wallet he was about to buy. He doesn’t want to talk to any of you sons of bitches at that store ever again. He is in a curled up ball on the couch sucking his thumb now.

A Walmart spokeswoman said the company believes it was an “isolated incident,” but will investigate.

You believe? No shit. Thank you, Walmart spokeswoman. You just failed PR 101. Would there be a logical situation where you thought this WOULDN’T be an isolated incident? Are you making wallets while excavating African killing fields? Are people sitting in exhumed coffins while putting my plastic piece of shit wallet together? WTF.