Representing BK To The Fullest

How dare you breathe my air?!

I live in Brooklyn. And while the likes of Biggie Smalls and Jay-Z remind me that I should always represent my borough to the best of my ability and making me never forget that we in Brooklyn are to “go hard”, this story might be taking ”repping” and “going hard” to new heights.

A Brooklyn social worker described as “the picture of health” was slain at his neighborhood gym in a feud over exercise equipment.

Are lat pulls downs so necessary at that moment in time? You couldn’t have done some Warrior 1 poses?

Douglas Smith, 50, was knifed and clobbered with a hammer by a pair of muscleheads who attacked him as he worked out at his East Flatbush health club.

Ok, maybe these guys aren’t into yoga. Clobbered? Good lord? When was the last time someone was clobbered with something resembling a hammer? Sometime during the Holy Roman Empire? WTF!

An argument between Smith, a bodybuilding buff standing more than 6 feet tall, and a younger, scrawnier club member preceded the fatal attack, witnesses said. Clubgoers said the dispute was over who claimed first dibs on a Nautilus elliptical machine. The club member quarreling with Smith summoned two pals to the gym for backup, witnesses said.

Wait. You’re a 6′0″ meathead and you need backup to attack a 50-year old man on a Nautilus machine? It gets worse…

Witnesses said Smith was exercising on the elliptical machine when the duo ambushed him from behind, stabbing him three times in the back and walloping him in the head with a hammer.

Fellas…FELLAS! Nothing is more insignificant than workout time on an elliptical machine. If I was making a picture dictionary and I needed an entry for “overreaction”, these guys would be it. Even Chris Brown would read this story and say, “Dude…”