I Dare Disney To Make A Movie Out Of THIS

Sorry Sebastian, I'm not as impressed with you anymore

Yes, the likes of Sebastian, Flounder and Nemo were all able to thwart off evil and keep the seas safe while speaking in English, but boy o’ boy, those guys can’t do shit compared to what their reality based friends can do.

A Russian scientist who trains seals to carry out secret military missions complained in a newspaper interview Tuesday that Russia has fallen behind the United States in the race to arm sea mammals.

Doesn’t that sentence sound like it could be the start to the unwritten Deep Blue Sea 2?

“We would really like our animals in future to work like American sea lions,” Gennady Matishov, director of the Murmansk Marine Biology Institute in northern Russia, told the Izvestia daily. “The Americans drop their animals from helicopters into enemy waters and then the animals place mines on installations, make videos of what they see along an enemy shore or use a special gauge to measure radiation,” he added.

Uhhhhh, what? I’m sure by animals place mines on installations, he means, animals are afixed with as many mines as possible to allow them to still swim close enough to an installation where a radio signal then blows them up. And use special gauge to measure radiation means they somtimes die of radiation poisoning when we send them too close to radioactive material.

Matishov trains around 10 seals that can locate mines, pick up objects from the seabed and assist divers by bringing them tools, Izvestia reported. What is more, the seals can differentiate a Russian diver from an enemy and can “render harmless” or even kill an enemy, the newspaper said.

Not me! I know to carry my bottle of vodka with me when I dive.

His research is financed by the Russian Academy of Sciences as a study into sea mammal behavior, but is also supported by the Russian Navy.

In other words, his research is financed by the Russian Navy. There’s no hiding that. You’re talking about mines, radiation, and killing non-Russian divers…not migrating tendencies.