Yes, I Most Definitely Can

THIS is a true friend...

Listen, Oprah.com, stop linking your articles to cnn.com and throw yourself off a damn cliff already. Not ONCE have you provided me with any useful information? For Christ sake, who is your target audience – retarded 14 year olds that are home schooled?

“Can you tell your friends from acquaintances?”

Yes, yes I fucking can thank you.

“Increasingly, if you’re not plugged into a social network, you feel out of the loop. But as scientists start to study our newfound connectivity, some worry that we’re heading for a massive friender-bender.”

Friend-bender…WTF…?

“But the downside, he worries, is growing confusion between our weak ties (people who might be useful in referring us to a good dentist or helping us find a job) and our strong ties (those we’re very close to). ‘The distinction between genuine friends and acquaintances is becoming blurred. Users are spending time maintaining relationships with people they don’t really care about.”

Which ”users” exactly are you talking about here guys? Because I can very easily tell my genuine friends from the friends I have on Facebook simply so I can look at them in a bikini or a loose fitting shirt. That’s actually pretty fucking obvious.

Here’s a guideline for you idiots out there that are actually having trouble with this:

FRIENDS:

1) You’ll tell them they look like absolute shit.

2) You won’t bang their girlfriends/wives/fiances – unless of course said spouse is a 9 and your wife is an 8.5 or less.

3) You like them, call them, know their parent’s names, have seen them at their worst/best/and nude.

ACQUAINTENCES:

1) ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS. They’re simply somebody you know.

We really don’t need goddamn Oprah.com figuring this out for us. That’s like calling your bank to find out how many cents a quarter and a dime equal. Figure it out people….

WTF!