Elisabeth Hasselbeck Still Doesn’t Get It

Dear Elisabeth

We usually stay away from the media mainstream ho hum here, but Mrs. Hasselbeck is so retarded, I shouldn’t be the only one that has to be dumbfounded by her idiocy.

With three kids, does The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck have plans to get pregnant again? “No, I don’t,” she said Monday on Barbara Walters’ SIRIUS XM radio show, Here’s Barbara. “If something happened and I was pregnant again … I don’t know how that would happen, because I’m clearly avoiding my husband,” former NFL quarterback Tim Hasselbeck.

Becuase that’s just what good looking, rich, horny dudes love the most. NOT getting any ass from the only woman they agreed to sleep with. Elisabeth, how do you plan on keeping your husband’s cock at bay?

“My strategy is dressing in a way that will not get me pregnant.” How does she dress so that she doesn’t get pregnant? “Nothing too cute,” she said. “I’m trying to wear nothing too revealing.”

Elisabeth, do you think your husband’s penis can be fooled? Do you think it’s as easy to mess with as the Beef Jerky Sasquatch. We’ll you’re wrong. As barbaric and stupid as his penis may seem, its senses are actually most like the Predator. 5 days without sex and it doesn’t matter if you are wearing a Bio Hazard suit. Tim Hasselback’s penis can see tits, ass and vagina through that. It has senses you didn’t even know it had.

But be careful on not “feeding” it, Elisabeth…after 5-7 days, Predator-Penis can’t tell the difference between your vagina and the next woman’s vagina. You think that Tim’s rod of love only works when he sees your cleavage? Stop flattering yourself. A vulture may prefer a dead lion’s carcass. But a hungry vulture ain’t gonna pass up a dead buffalo, now is it?