Bush League

Stop doing that!

Everyone knows that kicking a guy in the nuts is the ultimate cheap shot. Kicking a guy in the nuts when he’s not expecting it, is downright criminal. Kicking a random guy in the nuts for no good reason, while he’s walking down the sidewalk is enough for eternal damnation, in my book.

Men walking about in Langley should be wary after a woman viciously kicked a man, Anthony Clark, in the groin, causing him to lose a testicle.

Come again.

Clark was walking along 200th Avenue in the Brookswood area of Langley one afternoon in early September when he passed his assailant on the sidewalk. “I was looking down and then I took a passing glance and saw her walk up to me,” he said. That’s when the young woman inexplicably kicked him in the groin hard enough to send one of his testicles into his abdomen.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen lady, Fight Club was a good movie, but what Tyler Durden meant by starting a fight with someone was to prove to you that deep down, most people don’t want to fight. He didn’t mean that you should be sneaking up on dudes and booting their testicles into their abdomen. Not even in the most loosely philosophical interpretation of his message.

The force of the assault had caused his testicle to rupture. It had to be removed and will be replaced by a prosthetic.

Jesus H. Christ! Where’s Ryan Phillippe’s character from the intro scene from The Way of The Gun when you need him? (Watch here if you haven’t seen it.)

The suspect is described as a Caucasian woman, in her late teens or early 20s. She was between five foot five and five foot seven tall, and 130 pounds with a slim build, and brown hair.

She sounds cute. But she’s obviously ugly, her boyfriend just broke up with her and she’s in a serious “guy hating” phase. Anthony Clark, The Commodore (metaphorically, of course) feels your pain.