This Seems Progressive

Mario, the Devil

I didn’t realize that we were still in the Dark Ages when it came to religion (ok, maybe I did), but this is as close to pre-Enlightment Europe as you can get without burning someone at the stake.

A Baptist Church near Asheville, N.C., is hosting a “Halloween book burning” to purge the area of “Satan’s” works, which include all non-King James versions of the Bible, popular books by many religious authors and even country music.

Funny that they’re burning other versions of the Bible. Other versions of the Bible – like the King James version – that have been translated over and over again from the language it was originally written in and subsequently de-balled of its real meaning. Logically burning other versions of the Bible and calling them Satanic would be like saying that a German movie subtitled in English is allowed, but if it is subtitled in Swedish, then it is rubbish.

WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

The website for the Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, N.C., says there are “scriptural bases” for the book burning. The site quotes Acts 19:18-20.

I’m not even going to quote Acts 19:18-20 but if we’re talking about scriptural bases for things, why don’t we beat and kill slaves? (For giggles Asheville, go read Exodus 21: 20-21 out of your King James Bible.)

Attendees will also set fire to “Satan’s popular books” such as the work of “heretics” including the Pope and Mother Teresa.

Mother Teresa. The woman who dedicated her life to Jesus’ ACTUAL message. Makes sense.

“I believe the King James version is God’s preserved, inspired, inerrant and infallible word of God,” Pastor Marc Grizzard told a local news station of his 14-member parish.

God’s preserved word of God? They were speaking English 3-4,000 years ago? Good to know! Way to go Marc Grizzard and your 14-member parish of imbeciles.

Grizzard expounds that “the Scriptures shall be interpreted according to their normal grammatical-historical meaning, and all issues of interpretation and meaning shall be determined by the preacher.”

Pastor Grizzard of the Holy Roman Empire, everyone. Woo! Give him a round of applause! … Now pay your tithe before he fucking kills you.