Had He Never Done It Before?

What the drugs told him

I guarantee this will be the craziest thing you read before the end of the year:

A high-on-drugs Dutch trucker en route to Gothenburg, Sweden, was masturbating while driving and lost control, flipping the truck and blocking multiple lanes of traffic. While in the wreckage, he kept masturbating. Under police interrogation, he kept masturbating.

When I jerk off, it takes me like 30 seconds to climax. I’m so efficient, I look like one of those kids who stack cups really fast and you can’t figure out how in the hell they did it so fast. I just know what I’m doing. We men are good at jerking ourselves off because we know what feels good and we don’t play with the tip of our penis because we already know that playing with the tip doesn’t feel good at all (listen up, ladies).

The man remained in the vehicle with his hands apparently still clasped around his own gear stick.

Two hands?? Calm down man! You’re masturbating, not playing tug of war with your pelvic bone. Now, I understand that this man was on drugs but unless he was on horse tranquilizers and he was jerking himself off with wood chips glued to his hand, he probably should have finished up before the police interrogation, give or take.

But speaking of this police interrogation, they let this dude continue rubbing one out in the interrogation room as if handcuffing him behind his back was not an option. Nice work Swedes. In America, you get tazered, billy clubbed, arm barred, and waterboarded if you pee in public.

Oh and ladies, we really are that horny all the time. Sorry.