Way To Go Dude!

Steal my shit? This will happen...

Notice to burglers everywhere: Do NOT enter the house of a man that owns a Samurai Sword and try to steal his shit. Period.

Or this might happen: “A Johns Hopkins University student armed with a samurai sword killed a man who broke into the garage of his off-campus residence early Tuesday, a Baltimore police spokesman said.”

HOLY CRAP! Read that again, he KILLED a potential burgler with an F’ing sword! It’s like Lord of the Rings meets The Wire, right there in B-More!

“The student told police that he heard a commotion in the house and went downstairs armed with the sword, Guglielmi said. He saw the side door to the garage had been pried open and found a man inside, who lunged at the student.”

So he cut his motherfucking hand off. And THAT’S WHAT’S UP!

Don’t you EVER try and take my shit man! I’ll chop your damn hands off with my ninja sword!

I pray to god John Pontolillo gets off on this. I mean, the burgler had 29 prior convictions. 29. And he’d already taken two laptops and a Playstation. And come on, John used a sword! If he’d walked down there with a machine gun like a Texan, that would be one thing. But no, Ninja-Johnny-Son grabbed his sword off the mantel and ripped this guy a new one, literally!

Call me anytime John, we can be friends. You bring your sword, I’ll bring my throwing stars and nunchucks, we’ll play ninja games in the park.