EUREKA!

Short hair = Success!

So check this out, I’ve definitely answered age-old question of, “How do we make bitches powerful?” With a little help from Time Magazine…

Go ahead, click through the 50 beautiful, rich-as-all-hell, faces:

Are they all white? Nope.

Are they all skinny? Nope.

Are they all straight? hmmmm.

DO THEY ALL HAVE BUTCH HAIR CUTS? HELL YES.

Look at them? It’s like a fucking college softball convention. I’ve got longer hair on my taint! Number 17 takes the cake, or should I say, the strap-on. Good lord Heidi. I think we need to stop concerning ourselves with Lady Gaga and the dude that sprints for South Africa, and worry more about Heidi re-calibrating a HEMI and driving right up our male asses.

To be fair, I’d bang a few, even if that meant giving a reach around here and there. Like Number 20, I don’t care if she’s 3 times my age. Number 34, decent. Numbers 39, 44, 47, and 49, YUP. And of course my main squeeze Oprah – I’d do her just to get lost in her jelly.

But all that’s neither here nor there. The important thing is when I finally have a little girl I’m going to shave her head every year, name her Jack, and force her to go to college. Billions of dollars here I come!