Maybe This Sailing This Isn’t Your Forte

Unless those odds run you into a cargo ship

A 16-year-old schoolgirl attempting to become the youngest person to sail solo around the world has suffered a setback after her yacht crashed into a 63,000-tonne cargo ship on the first day.

What? The first day? I don’t know if you’ve ever been out on the flat ocean but 63,000 ton cargo ships don’t exactly sneak up on you, unless of course, she got ambushed by the USS Ninja.

Jessica Watson’s media spokesman Scott Young described the collision as a “small incident” and said she would continue her journey after repairs were made.

A small incident? She hit the biggest possible floating vessel on the planet 15 miles into a 25,000 mile trip. She might just want to try getting her driver’s license and make it to and from the supermarket before she tries circumventing the globe on a boat all by herself.

If I was going to walk across America but broke my foot upon my first step on a piece of perfectly manicured grass, I would assume that I shouldn’t try to walk across America.

“The good news is that we know the tracking systems and communication system on her boat are second to none,” he said.

Second to none. Do you mean: The tracking system she has onboard would come in 2nd place next to the tracking system known as: “nothing”? Because that’s the only way that sentence could ever make sense, given what just happened.

Hitting a 63,000 ton vessel with a yacht would be like running into Osama bin Laden at a “Jews for Jesus” mixer in Cheyenne, Wyoming.