When In Kabul…

It's true

From the mountains, to the prairies, to the U.S. embassies filled with naked dude’s fondling each other… (*needle on the record scratching). I can’t seem to figure out why the Taliban doesn’t want to let freedom ring just like the good ‘ol Americans do. And by “freedom ring” I of course mean:

Private security guards at the U.S. Embassy in Kabul were pressured to participate in naked pool parties and perform sex acts to gain promotions or assignment to preferable shifts.

…land that I love….

The State Department said it was investigating the allegations and the circumstances surrounding the photographs which show naked and barely clothed men fondling one another. “They were not gay but they knew what it took to get promoted,” said the guard, spoke on condition that ABC News not publish his name.

No Mr. Guard, forcing a newly initiated guard to fondle and perhaps suck your balls doesn’t make him gay, it just sounds like you’re gay.

Still confused why a prehistorically conservative Afghanistan and the anything-goes U.S. aren’t Facebook friends yet after 8 years of courting? What Afghani wouldn’t want to embrace the American way of life where we have it so good that acting gay for fun is the new cool thing to do…from sea to shining sea.