Dude.

I’m sorry, but he did what?!? The Russians still scare me. (If the monotonous droning I hear is in fact Russian.) I get nervous on the third rung of a ladder. This dude climbs 3 stories in 8 seconds. It takes Spider Man longer than that. And the announcer sounds about as intrigued as Ben Stein.

How do you even get involved in doing something this moronic?

Kid: Hey mom, I think I want to play hockey so I can represent my country in the Olympics.

Mom: I don’t know. That’s a little dangerous. Have you ever thought of running full speed at a wall with a 20 foot ladder in tow and then clamber up the side of it at speeds that are horrifically unsafe, straddle the top of the wall and sling the ladder up to the next level, never stopping to really check and see if indeed the ladder is safely secured onto….anything at all and then firing up the ladder again as it swings like a pendulum under you?

Kid: Will there be throngs of people cheering me on?

Mom: No, there will only be a semblence of a gathering.

Kid: Will they be cheering at least?

Mom: They will be eating sausage and cabbage.

Kid: Oh.