High School Fine?

You look underage, wanna fuck?

Woah woah woah guys, you can’t really say that!

“Body Magic, the company’s flagship girdle-and-corset combo, which retails for $140 plus tax and shipping, can “bring your butt back to high school fine,” the man on stage announced.”

In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past few years, Body Magic is basically a multi level pyramid scheme specializing in undergarments that make you look skinny. Ok fine, so you’ve probably never heard of this piece of shit company even if you read the fucking news EVERY DAY. So what.

Anyways, I’m pretty sure “high school fine” can be read as “statutory rape fine” or “she’s a little too young to be having those impure thoughts you dirt-bag fine.” With all due respect guys, that’s not really ok.

Sonja King, a distributor and wearer of Body Magic had this to say about the product: “It’s not comfortable,” she said with a laugh. “But I had to go to a formal affair recently, and that Body Magic came in handy. I was slammin’ in that dress!”

“I was slammin in that dress.” “Slammin.” Sonja, you’re fucking 38 years old! Are you kidding me?!?

Importantly, and to no surprise, the company is really putting an emphasis on doing things the “right way”…

…”the Better Business Bureau, with which Ardyss is not accredited, has given the company an F rating, saying 16 complaints over the past 36 months have gone unanswered.”

Good, good to hear guys, keep up the great work, especially the part about emphasing the asses of minors.