Pastor, The Penis Clouds The Brain. FYI

Make sure to double check these things when the man downstairs is leading the way.

I think it would be fun to be a police officer sometimes (not the times you are actually getting shot at or generally putting yourself in harms way to “serve and protect”, obviously). I’m referring to times like these.

According to Hillsborough Sheriff’s deputies, Seventh Day Adventist Church of Reform pastor Wikler Moran-Mora sent his wife a text message saying that he had been kidnapped, but that she should not panic. He later sent several more texts where he claimed that he was negotiating his release, which was when she called the police.

Wikler, when your last name is so close to calling you a moron…twice, you have to be extra careful, especialy when you’re thinking with your penis. Now, I realize that you live in Florida and that the “IQ jet stream” tends to stay a bit north of you guys but, seriously? You couldn’t think of a better alibi? Stuck in traffic? Accident on the road? Flat tire? Running errands? Going to Pink Berry? Making a house call for one of your parishoners in need? Nope. You chose, “I was kidnapped.” When you lie, the goal is for the other person to then not any more questions regarding the statement you just lied about.

As a general rule, if you tell your spouse via text message that you have been kidnapped, I don’t think she is just going to continue pruning the bushes, unconcerned about your wherabouts.

More than a dozen Hillsborough deputies were involved in the search for the pastor, who was eventually located by tracing his cell phone. When deputies found him, Moran-Mora allegedly admitted that he had concocted the kidnapping story to spend time with the woman who was in his presence when he was found.

Father, you must not have seen Enemy of the State, Eagle Eye, Man on Fire, Gone Baby Gone, or Silence of the Lambs. After you move into your new studio apartment, put them atop your Netflix queue. You’ll learn a lot about modern technology in some and general police work in response to kidnapping in the others. It’s fascinating.