Spencer Pratt Is An Idiot

Dear Spencer

I honestly have no idea who this guy is. The only thing I know about Spencer Pratt is that his girlfriend won Jeopardy the most consecutive times in history. But now Pratt wants to be the next Pitt, and nobody messes with my if-I-were-gay-or-maybe-just-a-little-too-drunk-I’d-bang-the-shit-out-of-this-guy guy.

In “How to Be Famous,” the reality TV train wreck marvels at Pitt’s personal PR mastery. “There’s literally not another situation in the history of Hollywood where a man left a woman as beloved as Jennifer Anniston for someone like Angelina Jolie and still ended up the good guy. We salute you Mr. Pitt!”

Spencer, did your mother sit in a microwave and gargle cyanide while she was pregnant with you? You can’t not be famous, write a book called “How To Be Famous” and then sit around and ponder why you are not the public’s favorite son. That’s like draining all the brake fluid from your car and then wondering why you are smashing into everything in sight.

He brags in the book that he made a point of telling every blog around that a sex tape of nemesis Lauren Conrad existed. Why? Because he could.

Still confused about the public image thing Spencer, or is it sinking in yet? Take your time. It’s a lot to comprehend for an imbecile.