America: Always Finding A Way To Be Fat

Nothing new.

Gosh, this recession really is taking its toll on people here in the good ‘ol U.S of A. I mean, The Washington Post just reported on the horrors of how people are having to refill their water bottles with tap water just to save a few bucks. It’s practically anarchy, I tell you.

But easy with the care packages of tissues, concerned world, apparently there is another group of idiots who think that being fat is the new fad.

What the trucker cap and wallet chain were to hipsters of a moment ago, the pot belly is to what my colleague Mike Albo refers to as the “coolios” of now. Leading with a belly is a male privilege of long standing, of course, a symbol of prosperity in most cultures and of freedom from anxieties about body image that have plagued women since Eve.

But hang on a minute, since when did being fat become a new thing in this country? 500-lb dudes from this country have been wearing t-shirts that say, ‘Texas: It’s Bigger Than France” while visiting Versailles for the past 50 years. We’re Americans. Heart Disease and Diabeties are more American than hot dogs, baseball, and the inability to learn world geography.

“If we had a slob in the White House, all the hipsters would turn into some walking Chippendales calendar,” Mr. Peres said. Instead, the streets of Williamsburg are crowded with men who are, as he noted, “proudly rocking a gut.”

Who gives a fuck about what happens in Williamsburg? That place should be treated like it was District 9 (Sorry for the joke twice today. I’m pumped for this movie). For those that don’t know, Williamsburg, Brooklyn is the place where you see idiot teenagers and 20-somethings without respectable jobs or a sense of general hygeine, running around trying to be philosophical and pretending they’re not angry with their non-athletic physiques by wearing pants so tight, they would constrict blood flow on the front legs of a giraffe.