Even God Is Shaking His Head At This

The Holy Cat.

I can’t seem to figure out why people with imaginary friends, multiple personality disorders, or loss of complete brain functions are deemed “to need help” and yet this army of idiots gets to roam the streets without medical supervision.

A Christian faith-healing clinic has opened in Christchurch offering to cure cancer, broken bones and mental illness through prayer. The New Zealand Healing Rooms clinic in Worcester St, Linwood, is set up like a doctor’s surgery, with a waiting room leading to treatment rooms, where two pastors and divine-healing technicians pray for patients.

Divine-healing technicians?!?! There’s no way they just said that! This can’t be real.

Pastor Marie Rea said they used “aggressive” prayer techniques based on the teachings of Canadian evangelist John Lake.

Unless these “aggressive” prayer techniques include chemo, surgery and pain killers, I am going to pray for these people “super aggressively” to get hit in the face by a meteorite. I hope I can outpray them.

Adele Marsh, another member of the group, said her daughter suffered from dyslexia and her handwriting was illegible. After a prayer session, her writing became legible.

Wow! What a cool God! Helping some random kid read correctly but seemingly not giving two shits about say…the children under 5 years of age that die every 15 seconds from a water related illness in places that Westerners don’t like to talk about because they don’t look like us.

It’s times like these that I am 100% convinced that we need a predator species to hunt us humans and take us out of our grand delusion. Dear God, please please please make District 9 be a documentary. We need it to be.