All For Stinky Pee?

In a stand off that must make every other species on the planet shake their heads in incomprehension; wondering in fact, how much more usless we coule be, UN peacekeapers and Cypriot farmers (they’re from Cyprus you idiot, and they’re also known as Greeks and Turks who hate the living shit out of each other) are at odds over an asparagus patch….Are you kidding me?

For this???

Guys, fight for Helen of Troy? Fight for equality. Fight for that spot on the B38 bus. Fight because your shit drunk, no chick wants to go home with you and some guy who is shorter than you just stepped on your shoe. Hell, fight for Broccoli. But let the asparagus be. Let it slide. It’s all good. It makes your piss stink like molding cottage cheese festering in Philip Seymour Hoffman’s armpits.

And fellas, it does the same to your semen. How do I know that? Well I read it once and I believe everything I read. I definitely didn’t get a little “post-asparagus-ingesting, post-masturbation” semen on my finger and taste a little bit of it. Definitley not. I’m serious. I didn’t do that. I read it.

Asparagus harvesting has never been for the faint-hearted with pickers crawling into dense thorn bushes to pick the delicate shoots from the undergrowth.

Faint hearted? How do you think those poor girls feel who have to swallow your asparagus tainted cum? Eeesh! Leave the asparagus alone! I’m with you on this one ladies!!

…From what I’ve read, of course.