Cash For Clunk….er….Faggots

Looks like a pink butt-plug

I absolutely love “news” like this. A lead story on ONE man’s account of the new Cash for Clunkers program and how it affected him! Hip hip horray! Now THAT’S some news mothafuckers!

“Andrew Sable wasn’t in the market for new wheels, but he says the federal “cash for clunkers” program helped him get an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

Got it, reading on…interested….

“…aware of the program that started this month, Sable took a $4,500 federal credit this week to trade in the Jeep and buy a new, more fuel-efficient Chrysler PT Cruiser.”

I’m sorry, *cough*, you bought a what? You’re actually telling the world that you traded in your Jeep Cherokee for a brand new Chrysler PT Cruiser? Andrew, you just became the gayest man I’ve ever read about!

Elton John driving around with the top down in his Mazda Miata is less gay then your new PT Cruiser. In fact, you and your poor family should probably pack up and leave up-state New York, make a bee-line for Provincetown, Massachusetts sir.

Somebody explain to me how these cars/station wagons/wanna-be-SUV’s ever made it past quality control? I mean, these things are hideous. They look like they belong in World of Warcraft in the “I’m an elf and still live in my parents’ tree-fort” level.

So of course you’re sitting there reading this thinking, “that’s ridiculous,” “this couldn’t get any gayer,” when BAM, I hit you with this:

“Caroline Radtke, a 31-year-old who wrote about her purchase on iReport.com…Radtke and her husband this month got a $4,500 CARS credit for trading in their 2000 Isuzu Trooper (15 mpg) to buy a new Volkswagen Jetta“

A Jetta. A fucking Jetta!!! Thank god for the follow up ireport! WTF!