Oh Good

Now THAT'S an airbag

You gotta hand it to the airline industry – they’re always looking out for your health. Life vests, oxygen masks, seat belts, and now…air bags. Gee thanks guys. It’s good to know that an airbag will help me from hitting my face on the seat in front of me as the plane I am in plummets into the ground at hundreds of miles an hour and disintegrates on impact. Good looking out!

As of Oct. 27, all new commercial aircraft must have seats that are able to withstand a crash of 16 times the force of gravity. That’s less force than in a 30 mph head-on car collision.

Wait, what? 30 mph?! Thirty! Usain Bolt was clocked at 27 mph at the Olympics. Semen travels at 28 mph out of the penis! I think a plane goes faster than 30 when it is taxiing. What kind of logic is this? Hey airline industry, if you’re so concerned with us smashing into the seat in front of us at 30 mph, why don’t you give us more than a fucking lap belt. Would it be so hard to give us a lap and shoulder belt instead of giving us an air bag? WTF!

Instead of putting my trust in an airbag on a crashing plane, how about you throw me out and give me a zip lock bag for a parachute. I’ll take my chances.