Thank You, Jeebus (NSFW)

blowguard Patent Pending! Designed by a Dentist! Typically these aren’t marketing lines that draw me in, but for some reason everything on this website (NSFW) is perfect. (And by “some reason” I clearly mean the chick with the “I’m gonna suck your cock like its never been sucked before” look on her face.)

How did we go hundreds of thousands of years without this device? Shit, chimps could have designed this before we had even evolved opposable thumbs. I mean, think about it, boxers and football players have been wearing mouth guards for a century. These are the types of people who get enough head to put 2 and 2 together in that oh-so-rare Eureka! moment that gives us devices like this.

Sorry, that sounded like complaining and there is no room for that in this post.

This post is all about giving thanks. Thank you, god, for giving me a fully functional penis. Thank you, Megan Fox, for returning to free agency at the perfect time. And thank you to the Dentist who put a vibrator in a mouth guard and made it a sex toy. If anyone ever has, you, my friend, have truly earned the right to 40 virgins in paradise.

[h/t to Gizmodo for the pic]