Attention: Major Breakthrough!

This ooozes of sophistication and elegance right?

This reeks of sophistication and elegance right?

“Authorities have found a massive underground drug smuggling tunnel snaking through the U.S.-Mexican border, and law officers are marveling over its sophistication.”

So you’re thinking “sophistication” in the same sense I am, right? Like, that opera house in Sydney is sophisticated, so is the Golden Gate Bridge. In fact, I’m sure the Celinto Catayente Towers that Pat Healy built in There’s Somthing About Mary were sophisticated. This tunnel better be off the fucking hook!

“Measuring 48 feet in the United States and 35 feet in Mexico, the tunnel contains side walls framed with 2-by-4 wooden studs and ceiling construction.”

That’s it? 2 by 4’s, a ceiling, and 83 total feet! Are you kidding me? Do feet even count as a full 12 inches in Mexico? When I was 7 I built a tunnel that awesome through my fucking backyard! If you go and call something sophisticated, you’d better bring the thunder homey. But it gets better….

“It’s elegant in the sense it has electrical work wired into the Mexico side. It even has a hose for ventilation and lightning,” Scioli said.”

Elegant.

Listen dickhead, if you ever refer to a hole through the ground as “elegant” again I will personally pull one of those shitty 2′4″s off and beat your ass with it. WTF!