Reading This Article Might Make Your Head Explode

I am only saying that because I am picking up the remnants of my own skull with a Dustbuster after reading this life changing report. It is Exhibit A when proving that there is absolutely nothing left to report on in this world, except for the things that should be being reported on. I don’t get this. None of it. I can’t believe it’s wasting bandwidth. Sigh. Anyhow, it’s amazing that since this is an article about something remotely sexual, the male is of course blamed in the first sentence. Standard operating procedure. How is he blamed for the fact that she chose not to breathe through her nose?

Were these people kissing while free diving? Anytime we are talking about “reduced pressure” and “pulling the ear drum out”, I think of Ed Harris plummeting to the ocean floor in The Abyss. What the fuck were they doing?!? Was this man trying to resuscitate her? How on earth do you “cause the breakdown of an ear” while kissing? Being Chinese, you’d think that the last thing they were was sexually frustrated (clearly, the Chinese have no problem reproducing), but maybe these two were the most horny people on the planet. Then again, all it takes is to have one of the subjects be male to have at least one of the most horny people on the planet.

Yes, proceed with caution when you are kissing someone who has the jaws of a snake and wants to completely envelope your head.