Actually That’s Not Impressive At All

Great job kid, now get a fucking hair cut

This shouldn’t be news in the town of Adams, nor in Massachusetts as a state for that matter. Nobody on the entire East Coast should be subject to such a waste of words let alone the entire fucking country!

“Last Friday, the Little Leaguer [Colby Gage] not only pitched a perfect game, but he struck out every batter he faced; eighteen batters up and eighteen batters down in a 13 – 0 win.”

First of all, that’s not impressive, I don’t care what you say. The kid is 12 and if you look at the picture above, he’s probably the only 12 year old kid in Mass. to have completely gone through puberty making him 7 times as strong as every other kid on the diamond that night. So he throws really hard and struck a bunch of guys out, big fucking deal. He also has a mustache and a voice deeper than Pavarotti.

When I was 12 I did some amazing shit too. One time I sat on my beanbag chair and jerked off for 3 hours straight. No food, no water, just a stack of playboys. Another time I ran across the street at rush hour and didn’t get hit by a car. And I had a cat named Griffey.

Point is, little Andy Samberg up there isn’t that cool and I don’t give a shit if he strikes out 18 thousand kids before his 13th birthday. It’s still not news. WTF.