Is Florida Even Part Of Earth Anymore?

Nice.

This story is so mind boggling that I honestly thought I was reading an excerpt from a fiction book written by John Grisham…’s child. Arsenic? Spray tans? People passing out in court? Rookie cops writing typos? Somebody get me a reading light, a glass of wine, a slice of cheddar cheese and my favorite spot on the couch!

Prosecutors allege Adam Kaufman strangled Eleonora ”Lina” Kaufman, 33, in the bathroom of their Aventura house, then lied to a doctor by claiming she fell and hit her neck on a bathroom magazine rack.

That is the worst lie in the history of covering up murders unless of course, the magazine racks in this house were in the shape of the clutching hands of a man or if they put their magazines in the same place you put someone’s head before chopping it off in a guillotine.

During cross-examination, however, defense attorney Bill Matthewman offered his own theory: that perhaps arsenic or some other accidental poison in a spray tan, which Eleonora got the day before she died in preparation for an upcoming wedding, led to her death.

Or maybe all that air she was breathing clogged her lungs and she choked to death. Dear the Florida Bar Association, please stop giving out law degrees at the bottom of Cracker Jack boxes at Marlins baseball games?

When prosecutors played Kaufman’s dramatic and teary 23-minute 911 call, one woman collapsed briefly, but she later returned to watch.

Was she Willis Reed? Why are you telling us this?…WTF.