Our Military is Fucked, And You’re A Bitch!

Does anyone care I might actually be retarded?

But seriously folks, I couldn’t be more thankful for our soldiers volunteering to go fight a war I think is farts so I can sit on my ass and complain about it while never having to actually worry about going over there. No need to get all political here, but come on, It’s not like Hitler is on the march and Fallujah is his only holdout. I don’t even know who the hell we are fighting anymore; Bin Laden is cooped up in a cave in Pakistan probably listening to Appetite For Destruction on repeat to get pumped up. Hussein was found trapped in hole with less mobility than the gopher from Caddyshack, then they hung him. So who are we even at war with? Best I can come up with is that it’s the sand druids from Star Wars, and I have no clue who’s winning.

Anywho. . . One fine soldier Wesley R. Smith of 5th Armored Division Drive was upset when he learned over $5,000 had been stolen from his checking account when he was fighting overseas. The shock and awe subsided a bit when police realized this happened.

According to a report published Thursday in the Watertown Daily Times, Mr. Smith had entrusted his checkbook to Chryssaundra L. Shipman, whom he had met on the internet, while he was deployed to Afghanistan.

Soooooooo, no one told you NOT to leave your checkbook with a strange mannish looking woman you met on World of Warcraft while you went off to war? Maybe it’s a good thing this happened because it sounds like if you kept your checkbook you would have bought either the Brooklyn Bridge or some magic beans. Beetle Bailey wouldn’t have done this, and if he did, the Sarge would have just killed him.

Also, perhaps more importantly, Ms. Shipman, you stole money from a man putting his life on the line to go to war, you’re a dirty bitch!