What Are They, 5?

Oh look! One for every Congressman

America. The beacon of freedom. The land of baseball, the cheeseburger and big goddamn things. America…The land of the free and the home of the douchebags (“The brave” are fighting for us overseas).

Democrats on the committee have hired a speed reader to read the more than 900-page climate change bill because a request to have the entire bill read aloud is a prerogative Republicans have a right to invoke which could be used to frustrate Committee Chairman Henry Waxman’s deadline of Memorial Day to get the committee’s work on the bill done.

I’m tired of these arcane laws that have stuck around since Thomas Jefferson was banging his slave. The right to bear arms 250 years ago? Fine. How else was TJ supposed to make sure she didn’t run away? Having a bill be read aloud in Congress in 1781? Yeah it makes sense since the literacy rate back then looked more like batting averages. Plus, those bills were written by hand using a feather that had to be persistently dipped in a saucer of ink. How long could they be?!?

Now we have a bunch of dickheads asking to have a 900 page bill be read aloud because it’s their right. I take your loophole and I raise it your asshole. All of you. I’ve seen 12 year-old girls more mature than this (I think it’s all the hormones in the food).

Even with the use of the speed reader, reading the entire bill could take the equivalent of more than a full work day of time.

aka: Good use of tax dollars